Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
