Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
