Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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