absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
a search helicopter?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
