I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
