A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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