I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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