Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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