Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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