you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it's like iHOP with fire
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
