Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
