just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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