after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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