I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
