Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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