someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize