Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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