im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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