My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
