I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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