what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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