my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
