I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
