forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
