Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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