you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
