thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
that's an acceptable place to lick
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
