my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
