I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
