Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
