I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
