this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
