Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
