Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
