and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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