I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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