Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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