Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
only if we run a train.
done.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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