I puked a lego.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
time to smoke my breakfast
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
