Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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