I just saw a hot homeless man
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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