Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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