there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
