I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
