1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
