my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
