hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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