Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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