Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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