i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
