South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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