Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize