"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
