dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
