There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
