did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
