So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
