omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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