I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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