I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish you could order shots online.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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