Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
