And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
