the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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