p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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