His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
