there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
