I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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