He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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