i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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