Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
