Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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