I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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