I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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