ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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