Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
