i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
