i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
