Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
