I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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