If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
