capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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